Hard day's night...

"Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change." 
~ Iyanla Vanzant




“This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.”

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yesterday afternoon was a hard one. I went home sad from work. I found out that an extremely shy and insecure student has been very unhappy in my math class. I listened (from my administrator via the parents) to the long list of complaints that came to me somewhat incredulous, but for the most part, understanding how this young person could have misinterpreted situations. This student has been the type to ask me whether to write their name on the left or right corner of a paper, whether to use blue or red marker, whether to hand in homework in the bin after everyone else has. In other words, this student has been so paralyzed by insecurity as to question every single minutia.

I thought this student was joking at times. This student's work has been superb and I have never had any indication that there was serious misunderstanding.

In fact, the grave misunderstanding is that this student has interpreted me as creating chaos. This student wants everything clear cut and competitive, while I want a little fuzziness around the edges in order to elicit a higher order of thinking and working. This student wants me to give the rule and demand practice of the class: I want the students to muddle around a little, work out the details and ask me for clarification only as last resource. We apparently have a mismatch of educational goals and while I have been counseled by many knowledgeable people to not "take this on" (aside from my administrator, who errs towards the student), it saddens me to think that I have failed to reach this student at least half way.

I do not believe in "my way or the highway" in most instances, although I do recognize that there are certain, constructivist principles on which I rarely budge. This classroom environment has not brought out the best feelings in this students, although their work is impeccable (implying educational success to a large degree, no?). Nevertheless, I am saddened to think that a student is so emotionally flummoxed so as to feel inept and off balance.

So I went home sad. Then I received some interesting messages from my PLN about how to interpret this student, the admin, the family and the situation as a whole. In the end, a message came my way that sadness is part of a reflective teacher's life.

I'll take that one and think about it for a while.


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Teacher Diary: Three Ways to Wisdom

Three Ways to Wisdom

By three methods we may learn wisdom:

First, by reflection, which is noblest;

Second, by imitation, which is easiest;

and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

 Confucious

We are quickly approaching the end of another school year. It is time to take stock of how the year went and what I can learn from it.

This year marks my 21^st year as full time classroom teacher. At 46 years old, I figure I have another 15 or 20 years left in the profession. So realistically speaking, I am in the beginnings of the last half of my chosen career. This, alone, is a startling realization. Last year I wrote an exhaustive list of all my years of teaching and the accompanying professional development. I did this because I was applying to the Head of Middle School position at my independent school and I wanted to map out where I’ve been and what this journey has taught me. I was very impressed by my own list because it showed me to be the professional teacher I thought myself to be.

But inside that list was a secret: I was searching for “wisdom” through imitation. I was trying to be the teachers I respected instead a little too much. I wondered what I was bringing to the professional table other than the messages and notes of others.

I decided to withdraw from the Middle School Head search and refocus my energies to being the best possible teacher I can be. I can celebrate a couple of great events.

I published an original article in the NCTM publication Teaching Math in Middle School. The article: “How Many Piano Tuners in Our City”, was a retelling of my experiences leading my students through a series of Fermi questions. One such question, how much does the student body of our school weigh, has been a great hit at my school and I have used it on several occasions at school events.

Coming off the success I wrote a proposal to present at the National Council for Teachers of Mathematics Annual Conference in Washington DC. My proposal on Problems of the Week was accepted. I wrote about this experience in a previous post. 

I am very excited to continue down this professional growth opportunity in the years to come.